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A Modest Proposal
To the Editor:
If James’ Pond is filled in to create the track and field for Haldane, why not put the parking lot right there? That way, no one will have to walk to see people run. Why not name it say, "Pond Parking" or "Lily Pod Lot" or something consistent with the titles of other developments that curiously call to mind what was instead of what it has become. Thus, "Rock Oaks" now graced with neither, will remind us fondly or nostalgically, like an epitaph, of its former being. Understandably, calling "Sylvan Glen" "Clear Cut Scrape" or "Vinyl Views" would be an obvious tough sell in the real estate circular.
James’ Pond or puddle by down east standards is the wetland created by the southeast drainage of Bull Hill. The synonym ‘Mount Taurus’ came later making the backdrop of Cold Spring sound higher, grander, less vernacular and less likely to conjure a mound left by a defecating horned bovine. Throwing a little Latin around is always helpful that way.
The development behind James’ Pond called Half-Moon Ridge follows this pattern. Once a forested ridge unchanged from the time Henry Hudson gazed upon it aboard the Half-Moon, it is now more accurately Half-Mown or Half-Blown Ridge. But again former fancy follows and so it is that more precise nomenclature such as "Landfill Lots," "Erosion Acres" or "Bulldozer Boulevard" would not feel like a desirable address. Rumor has it that the old Marathon Battery plant site might be a new community. Perhaps "Cadmium Commons" might frighten a nervous homebuyer.
This brings us to the new, relocated and improved James’ Pond. James II seems too formal, too English. Jim, Jim Jr. or Jimmy Pond might work, more of a smile to the sound, playful and family friendly. Another angle could be an historical exhibit convenient to Pond Parking with signs leading to "Replica Pond" of 18th and 19th century Cold Spring, complete with railings, wicker donation basket and volunteers in period costume. Tastefully framed prints of skinks, spotted-turtles and leopard frogs could adorn the interpretive kiosk explaining how these amphibians, now under 8 feet of concrete, used to thrive in the area. A sociological progression of the area, from agrarian to industrial to the present period of Mega-Home construction could round out the exhibit.
This brings us to, of course, public relations. Here we can borrow valuable lessons from our current administration. The bucolic little pond can be characterized as a public threat, filled with unwholesome, fetid creatures. Vials of sinister pond water writhing with mosquito larvae could be presented dramatically at school meetings as evidence of "Weapons of Community Destruction" or WCO with the potential to create pestilence and plagues of West Nile virus, Encephalitis and Lord knows what other bio-terror hazards. Even without such evidence the case can be made that this threat we know to exist based on reliable ‘intelligence.’ Then, once the filling of the pond proceeds, the ‘frog huggers’ who still object to the liberating of James’ Pond can be denounced as not supporting Athletics. This would effectively silence any further protest even though the logic, much like objecting to children working in sweatshops and being castigated for not supporting family values, or objecting to zoos and being shouted down as being against animals, will elude most folks who want to root for the winning team anyway.
Malachy Cleary,
Cold Spring.
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