2015-10-07 / Perspectives

Not My Kid: One Family’s Story

Allan & Diane Harris

My wife and I tried to give our sons the very best we could provide. We encouraged them to exercise and live a productive, healthy life. We did our best to be good role models for them. We stressed the importance of a good education and lectured them on the dangers of smoking, drinking, and drugs. We knew the teenage years would be tough, but we firmly believed that as good parents, our guidance would safely get them through. How wrong we were. Last month, our oldest son, Matthew, one of the kindest and most caring people one could possibly know, died from a drug overdose.

Matthew began suffering from migraines when he was in middle school. He spent many school days at home, lying in a darkened room, waiting for the pain to subside. We took him to every doctor for every treatment imaginable. Nothing seemed to work for long. When he got a little older, we learned that he also suffered from social anxiety. We now know that the anxiety had a lot to do with his headaches. He also suffered from restless leg syndrome and often had trouble sleeping. When he was a sophomore in high school, he suffered a foot injury that required invasive surgery. He was prescribed a large number of opioid pain killers to get him through his six-week recovery at home. Unfortunately, this was his introduction to opiates. He later admitted to us that he knew he liked opiates because when he took a pain killer, his legs were still, he could sleep, and he felt calm.

When Matthew graduated from high school we were unaware of a drug problem. We knew he had smoked pot but we thought it ended there. It wasn't until we caught him stealing from us that we realized the extent of his problem. (Lying and stealing are common during drug use). Buying pain medication on the street is very expensive. When our son could no longer afford the pills, he switched to heroin because heroin is very "affordable". Our lives all became consumed with Matt's drug addiction. Over the next three years, Matt attended rehab twice. Each time, when he returned home, he looked great, felt great, and swore that he was "done with that forever". We thought he was on the road to recovery, but we underestimated how serious and devastating this addiction actually is. We were under constant stress, and our lives were turned upside down. For five years Matt's drug problem was the main focus in our home. After his second time in rehab, we sent him to drug doctors, drug counselors, psychiatrists, therapists and put him in an outpatient program. His drug counselor told Matthew that the only choice he ever had was whether or not to try opiates in the first place. Matt never made that decision, he was prescribed pain killers and we gave them to him.

To gain a better understanding of drug addiction, my wife and I attended a seven-hour seminar given by the private rehabilitation facility that Matt was in. It was a packed house of parents and other relatives of patients who all had similar stories to ours. We were all going through the same thing, we had all made the same mistakes, and we were all terrified and desperate. Just one of the rehabilitation programs Matthew entered cost $20,000 and they did not accept any insurance. And while we would have spent any amount of money to see our son get well, this disease is aggressive, and in Matthew's case, recovery was almost hopeless. The disease of addiction does not discriminate against financial status, race, gender or religion – we are all at risk!

A friend of ours recently sent us an article about teenagers being at a higher risk for addiction than adults because of their immature brain development and about the heroin epidimic that is surging all across America. The leading cause of heroin abuse is a prescription drug disorder, but today you don't need a prescription, Matthew told us on more than one occasion that he could leave the house and walk in any direction and get any drug – morphine pills, oxycontin, etc., in five minutes. It's everywhere and kids are being targeted!

We need to come up with solutions to stop the growing number of deaths among our young. We believe education will be a key component in battling this disease. Our schools need to take an aggressive role in this fight. We need to reach kids early before they move on to high school. Trips to rehab facilities and guest speakers visiting our schools to talk to our children would be a good first step. Parents need to lock up all prescription medications in their homes. The selling of these drugs is a violent act against our kids and community and stiffer penalties are needed. We can't let drug dealers walk free, they are nothing short of serial killers. Mental health issues need to be identified early by parents, teachers, family and friends. Kids who suffer from depression, anxiety, or any other problems need to know they have sources to turn to other than opiates, other drugs, and alcohol. Family, friends, religious organizations, doctors, etc. need to come together to form a safety net for our kids.

Unfortunately, Matt's mental and physical health combined with his genetic predisposition to addiction made him the "perfect storm" for this disease. We think of him every minute of every day and we miss him terribly. My wife and I would like to thank the parents who have been in our shoes and have reached out to us in spite of their own grief. They are truly wonderful and brave. We would also like to thank everyone for their prayers, letters, generosity and support through this very difficult time.

Let us ensure that our sons and daughters who have died have not died in vain and are never forgotten.

Allan and Diane Harris

Matthew’s obituary can be read here: http://www.pcnr.com/news/2015-08-26/ Obituaries/Matthew_Tyler_ Harris.html.

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